DBT DEARMAN Assertive Communication Worksheet: Mastering Interpersonal Effectiveness

This DEARMAN Assertive Communication Worksheet guides individuals through a detailed planning process for assertive communication. It begins with “Describe,” where the facts of the situation are listed to ground the conversation in reality. The “Express” and “Assert” sections help focus on using “I” statements to own personal feelings and clearly state needs without ambiguity. The “Reinforce” section encourages explaining how the situation has affected the individual, providing a clear perspective for the other person involved. The final sections—Stay Calm (Mindful), Be Confident, and Negotiate—focus on the “how” of the interaction, ensuring the dialogue remains focused on the goal even if tensions rise.

The layout requires thinking through potential compromises in the “Negotiate” section before the conversation begins. This helps maintain a “Wise Mind” throughout the dialogue and reduces the likelihood of feeling overwhelmed during the interaction.

How This Worksheet Can Be Used

Clinical Sessions:
Practitioners use the worksheet to conduct behavioral rehearsals or role-plays. A therapist can act as the other party while the client follows the DEAR MAN script, allowing for feedback on tone, body language, and clarity.

Preparation for Interactions:
Individuals use the worksheet to prepare for upcoming difficult conversations, such as setting boundaries with family members, resolving workplace conflicts, or making specific requests. It acts as a structured “dry run” to increase communication fluency.

Interpersonal Effectiveness Training:
This worksheet is a primary tool for teaching “Objective Effectiveness.” It helps individuals understand that achieving a goal is often a result of the manner in which a request is made, combined with the validity of the request itself.

Benefits of the DEARMAN Assertive Communication Worksheet

• Provides a clear, step-by-step framework for making effective requests and setting boundaries.
• Reduces interpersonal conflict by replacing accusatory language with factual “I” statements.
• Increases the likelihood of achieving desired objectives in various social and professional settings.
• Supports self-respect by encouraging a calm and confident demeanor during controversy.
• Promotes proactive negotiation and compromise to find “middle path” solutions.
• Decreases social anxiety by providing a structured, predictable framework for interaction.

Integrating This Tool into Practice

Integrating the DEARMAN Assertive Communication Worksheet is most effective when emphasizing that “effectiveness” is the goal. Being “Mindful” involves staying focused on the objective and ignoring distractions or defensive reactions from the other person. In the “Be Confident” section, focus can be placed on non-verbal cues such as eye contact and posture. It is also important to review the “Negotiate” section thoroughly; willingness to find a compromise is often necessary to protect the relationship. By practicing this worksheet across multiple scenarios, individuals learn to be both firm and respectful, which is a cornerstone of healthy interpersonal functioning.

References

• Linehan, M. M. (2014). DBT Skills Training Manual (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.
• Linehan, M. M. (1993). Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder. Guilford Press.
• Fruitman, K., & Chapman, A. L. (2013). The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook for Anger. New Harbinger Publications.
• Koerner, K. (2012). Doing Dialectical Behavior Therapy: A Practical Guide. Guilford Press.