DBT GIVE Skill Worksheet: Building and Maintaining Healthy Relationships

This DBT GIVE Skill Worksheet guides clients through a proactive brainstorming process to improve their social signaling and interpersonal warmth. Across four structured sections, clients are prompted to identify specific ways they can communicate in a Gentle manner (avoiding attacks or threats), show genuine Interest in the other person’s perspective, Validate the other person’s feelings or experience, and maintain an Easy Manner (using humor or a lighthearted tone to reduce tension). By documenting these strategies in advance, the client prepares a “relational script” that can be used during both mundane interactions and difficult conversations.

The structured layout requires clients to move from abstract concepts to specific, observable actions. By brainstorming these behaviors before a conflict arises, the client reduces the likelihood of defaulting to “Emotional Mind” during an interaction, ensuring they stay focused on the long-term goal of keeping the relationship intact.

How This Worksheet Can Be Used

Clinical Sessions:
Therapists use the worksheet during the Interpersonal Effectiveness phase of skills training. It serves as a collaborative tool for role-playing, where the clinician can help the client practice “Validation” or “Gentle” tones in a safe, corrective environment.

Preparation for High-Stakes Conversations:
Clients use the worksheet to prepare for interactions where the relationship is more important than the specific outcome—such as speaking with a spouse, a close friend, or a supportive family member. It helps ensure their communication style doesn’t overshadow their intent.

Group Skills Training:
This tool is often used in groups to demonstrate the impact of social signaling. Members can share their “GIVE” ideas, helping others see how small shifts in posture, tone, and interest can fundamentally change the dynamic of a conversation.

Benefits of the DBT GIVE Skill Worksheet

• Provides a structured framework for maintaining and strengthening interpersonal bonds.
• Reduces social tension by encouraging a “Gentle” and “Easy Manner” in communication.
• Fosters deeper connection through the proactive “Validation” of others’ experiences.
• Helps clients shift from self-centered rumination to active “Interest” in their social world.
• Decreases interpersonal conflict and the resulting emotional dysregulation.
• Supports the “Relationship Effectiveness” goal of the evidence-based DBT protocol.

Integrating This Tool into Clinical Work

Integrating the DBT GIVE Skill Worksheet is most effective when clinicians emphasize that “how” you say something is often as important as “what” you say. Clinicians should guide clients to identify specific “non-verbal” signals—such as eye contact for Interest or a soft volume for Gentle—that can be practiced in session. In the “Validate” section, it is helpful to teach the six levels of validation so the client can find a “nugget of truth” in the other person’s perspective even during a disagreement. When reviewing the “Easy Manner” section, the clinician should clarify that this is about being “lighthearted,” not about being “dismissive.” By consistently reviewing and practicing with this worksheet, the clinician helps the client realize that they have the power to influence their social environment through skillful signaling, leading to more stable and rewarding relationships.

References

• Linehan, M. M. (2014). DBT Skills Training Manual (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.
• Linehan, M. M. (1993). Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder. Guilford Press.
• Koerner, K. (2012). Doing Dialectical Behavior Therapy: A Practical Guide. Guilford Press.
• Pederson, T. (2015). The Expanded Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Training Manual. PESI Publishing & Media.