DBT FAST Skill Worksheet: Improving Self-Respect in Relationships

This DBT FAST Skill Worksheet guides clients through a structured planning process to maintain self-respect during a specific interpersonal situation. Across four targeted sections, clients are prompted to identify what is Fair to both themselves and the other person, observe their urge to provide an unnecessary Apology, define the specific Values they must stick to, and clarify the objective Truths of the situation. By documenting these elements in advance, the client creates a “self-respect script” that prevents them from being swayed by external pressure or emotional guilt during a difficult conversation.

The structured layout requires clients to move from reactive social patterns to value-driven behavior. By brainstorming these responses before an interaction, the client reduces the likelihood of “overselling” their position or “under-representing” their needs, leading to more authentic and stable interpersonal outcomes.

How This Worksheet Can Be Used

Clinical Sessions:
Therapists use the worksheet during the Interpersonal Effectiveness module to address patterns of passivity or social anxiety. It serves as a collaborative tool for role-playing, where the clinician can help the client practice “Apology Free” communication in a safe environment.

Boundary Setting:
Clients use the worksheet to prepare for situations where they need to set a boundary or say “no.” It helps them clarify their “Stick to Values” section, providing the internal conviction necessary to maintain their position respectfully.

Reviewing Social Interactions:
This tool can be used to process past events where the client felt they “lost themselves” or gave in too easily. By deconstructing the event through the FAST lens, the client can identify where they deviated from their values and plan for a more effective response next time.

Benefits of the DBT FAST Skill Worksheet

• Protects and builds self-esteem by prioritizing self-respect in social interactions.
• Reduces ineffective people-pleasing behaviors and excessive, unnecessary apologizing.
• Helps clients stay grounded in their core “Values” even under interpersonal pressure.
• Encourages “Fairness” to both self and others, preventing both passivity and aggression.
• Strengthens “Truthfulness” by discouraging exaggeration or helplessness as a way to get needs met.
• Supports the “Self-Respect Effectiveness” goal of the evidence-based DBT protocol.

Integrating This Tool into Clinical Work

Integrating the DBT FAST Skill Worksheet is most effective when clinicians emphasize that self-respect is a long-term goal that outweighs short-term social comfort. Clinicians should guide clients to be specific in the “Stick to Values” section—asking, “What is the non-negotiable principle at play here?” In the “Apology Free” section, it is helpful to distinguish between a legitimate apology for a harm caused and a “protective apology” used to soothe someone else’s anger. When reviewing the “Fair” section, the clinician should ensure the client is being as fair to themselves as they are to the other person. By consistently reviewing and practicing with this worksheet, the clinician helps the client realize that they can be a good person and a good friend without abandoning their own integrity, leading to more resilient and honest relationships.

References

• Linehan, M. M. (2014). DBT Skills Training Manual (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.
• Linehan, M. M. (1993). Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder. Guilford Press.
• Koerner, K. (2012). Doing Dialectical Behavior Therapy: A Practical Guide. Guilford Press.
• McKay, M., Wood, J. C., & Brantley, J. (2019). The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook. New Harbinger Publications.